Over the last few hours, I've come to understand someone much more deeply... someone I look up to very much, and in a very platonic way, love. This person's everything that I'm too afraid to be- outgoing, overwhelmingly artistic, loud, brilliant, beautiful.
It really inspires me to read about the spiritual revolutions of someone (anyone, really, if it is heartfelt), and today I've read a few, and last night I dreamed about it, I think. It's inspiring me to again re-evaluate myself, to go through stuff that I've been avoiding...
I really, really wish that I had the space to do it. It's one of those things that's going to take outdoors, isolation, a tent, a camp stove, and supplies. I can't do this around people, I can't do this around technology. I need to find myself... I would rather do it in the winter, because it is such a time for peace, contemplation, and admittedly, a major motivation? No bugs!
Perhaps I can get mum to take me some place for part of christmas vacation... not the actual two days, mind, but for some of the time before that. Wonder how much we have off?
I feel stuff welling inside of me... I have for the past half-year or so. Something's ready to shift, I'm ready to shed off the shell I'm currently wearing, like a snake... I'm ready to moult, I suppose. It's time to shed off this skin that's become too tight and dry and constricting, that's obscuring my vision and my breathing.
I need to find a space to do this.
I need help, I need a place to be in solitude in the middle of fucking nowhere. I need supplies- a camp stove, recommendations on good food to bring, on what clothes and materials to bring to keep myself from freezing, a good tent and ground tarp, and someone to check in on me once a day to make sure that I haven't killed myself.
Need someone to teach me how to use a camp stove, too.
So- anyone reading this... this is a cry for help! I need help with any of this, any thoughts you might have, any recommendations. It's time.